“What’s in a name?” 20/31 #SOL2024

education 1 Minute

My middle name scares me.

I’ve always had an uncomfortable relationship with my middle name and still bristle when I hear it. Jean was a frightening woman to me. She seemed always on some overly excited edge, somewhat unstable, and yet revered for her excentricities by my mother. Both of Jean’s daughters spent time in a psychiatric hospital with various ailments which I witnessed as a young child. One daughter, my age, lived in a world of fantasy so disconnected from mine that I remember just staring at her during conversations failing to produce any words of connection.

Then my mother had a disagreement with Jean and cut her out of our lives. After this, this middle name felt inauthentic, like some spontaneous party which fizzled and I was left with the clean up. I didn’t like the association, nor the sound, nor the lingering evidence of a past without roots.

The other day, I looked into the process for changing this name. I seriously considered filing the application and paying the $137.41. But, then I realized the error in this. I can’t erase the past, just as we cannot erase those who have helped shape us, even when we have disagreements.

Published by Melanie White

I am a retired English and Media Studies teacher, and former Department Head of Fine Arts at Nepean High School in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. I am concerned with equity and antiracist practices while recognizing that I am speaking from a position of privilege and continuing to learn.

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8 thoughts on ““What’s in a name?” 20/31 #SOL2024”

  2. I’m so glad you wrote about this! You mentioned the middle name the other day so I’m glad to get the whole story. My middle name is the first name of my mom’s high school best friend. She was never part of my life though since I never met her. That’s always felt weird to me. When I got married I stopped using my middle name and now only have my maiden surname and husband’s surname on my ID (not hyphenated!)The middle name has all but disappeared from my life.

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  3. Your middle name carries quite a story with it. I love this line: “like some spontaneous party which fizzled and I was left with the clean up” –it’s such a powerful image, and feels like it really fits as a simile for people who struggled with being grounded in reality. You can’t erase the past, but you can decide that you can define (and put a name to) who you are now. Thanks so sharing this powerful story.

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  4. This is a very real and raw post. While you are NOT your name, it is still a part of your story and your history.

    THE REAL story is the one you are writing with your own life, personal and professional roles in this world. I am pretty sure THIS is the REAL story.

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